Friday, January 14, 2011
Leaving my Babe
I found a daycare provider for the Babe and she seems to be working out great. He has completely adjusted and I'm not sure if he even thinks about me during the day since he has adjusted so well. When I call him to check in he just wants to eat the phone. Every day when I drop him off as I drive away I get this horrible pang of nausea and guilt that I am hoping goes away but not sure if it will. How can I justify working and leaving my baby to be cared for by another? Is our nice neighborhood and single family home really worth the pain of not being with my children all day? Should my older children suffer in a lower class neighborhood and lesser school so that I can be home with them 24/7? I don't know. I don't know what is right and wrong but I keep banking on the idea that my Babe won't remember. He may even think that I never left him in daycare as my older one asked me one day. She didn't even know that I had left her in daycare when she turned 1. I am hoping this happens with the Babe. Now my Peeps cried last night when I told her I had to work today...she is 5 and still cries for me. It really breaks my heart.
Yesterday he didn't want to eat his sweet potatoes so his sitter said..I gave him couscous. I am okay with that...but wonder..what other things will she give him that I don't..and what kind of man will he be knowing I was not his only influence as a baby. Is it strange to worry and or think about these things? Probably...maybe...maybe not...but I do.
Babe's top right tooth is coming in and he constantly grinds his bottom two on the top point of a tooth. He makes the funniest face while doing this and I will have to post a photo next time I catch him doing this.